Tuesday May 30, 2017
Do you feel like you're dragging yourself through each day, just trying to make it through to the end of your to-do list, and often running out of time or energy before you run out of tasks?
I've been there, SO many times, because I was making the same mistake that all too many of us are taught to make from a very early age. Thankfully, I'm getting better at avoiding it, but there are still days when I need reminders about why this happens and how NOT to slide back into that crippling trap.
Today, I stumbled upon one such reminder: a splendid post in The Feminine Affluent Entrepreneur by Lorna Johnson, in which she revealed the secret to her boundless energy.
This not-actually-so-secret secret is surprisingly simple, though certainly not easy - but it's absolutely necessary for anyone who wants to live a life of joy, energy and abundance instead of weariness, resignation and resentment.
As Lorna concisely put it before going on to elaborate: "Start telling the f***ing truth."
Even "honest" people are often trained to lie to ourselves.
All too often, even highly moral and honorable people are trained from an early age to be pathological liars.
This training is given not out of malice, but out of a desire for smooth sailing, even if that never-rocked boat comes at the expense of your authenticity, energy and joy.
If you think this doesn't apply to you, let me ask you a few questions:
1. Do you do things you aren't honestly OK with, like spending time on events you don't actually want to go to, and try to act like you're happy about it?
2. Do you refrain from saying things you want and need to say, because you're reluctant to rock the boat?
3. How many "friends" do you force yourself to make time for, even though you don't really like them, and they add nothing positive to your life?
4. Do you actually love the activities with which you've filled your schedule, or are you trying to convince yourself to enjoy activities that are outside your real purpose?
5. Do you do things you don't want to do in order to keep people happy, even when those people could and should be doing those things themselves?
If the answer to any of those questions, or to any questions similar to them, is "yes", then you're probably lying to yourself or other people, and it's hurting your energy levels - in your business and in every area of your life.
You have the time, energy and inspiration - but are you spending them right?
When you get a flash of inspiration that make you feel energized and alive, do you act on it, or do you put it on the back burner in favor of a plethora of things that don't give you energy? Or, even worse, do you dismiss that inspiration entirely because someone might disapprove?
Are you spending your time on people and activities that drain you without adding anything good to your life, because somebody wants you to?
Are things not getting done right or on time because you're afraid of bothering people by telling them what you expect and need?
Even if you can't think of any specific instances off the top of your head, I invite you to keep these questions in mind over the next few days, and to pay more attention to the levels of truth in your life.
When you say "yes" but you want to say "no", notice that.
When someone says or does something that has a negative impact you, and you let it slide or convince yourself that it doesn't matter in order to keep the peace, even though it's legitimately affecting your life, notice that.
When you follow a piece of advice even though you can tell that it's wrong for you, notice that.
Anytime when you feel like your actions or words are out of alignment with who you truly are, NOTICE THAT!
Being authentic isn't selfish.
It's true that there will be times when you feel like doing something you know is wrong, or you need to take a breath, bite back the angry comment you want to make, and find a kinder way to phrase things. I'm not telling you to follow every impulse that enters your head.
But lying to people in order to make them happy only creates distance between you and them, because it means they don't get to see the real you. It may seem like they like you, but is it really YOU that they like?
Besides, let's face it, living out of alignment with your truth is tiring.
Spending your days working outside your areas of passion and skill, trying to be someone you're not, maintaining relationships that aren't serving you, and wasting precious hours doing unnecessary things that you don't even want to do all drain your time and energy, which leaves you with less to give to the things and people that really matter to you.
It also sets a bad example for your clients, and for your children if you have any. As a coach or parent, what do you want to model - a life of resignation, resentment and weariness, or a life of authenticity, energy and joy?
Yes, there will be some people who won't like the new, honest you. These are the people who are used to you doing as they say, accepting their B.S., or otherwise accommodating them at your own expense.
But your happiness and well-being are just as important as theirs, and what's more, your happiness is YOUR responsibility, just as their happiness is theirs.
You're responsible for your joy and well-being, and it isn't your job to interfere with people's control over their own lives by taking responsibility for theirs.
It may be a simple concept, but it probably won't happen instantly.
If you've spent your entire life pleasing people at your own expense, it isn't easy to break such a long-ingrained habit.
Being honest with yourself, and honoring your time, truth, needs, concerns, feelings and desires isn't something that you do once and it's done forever.
Every time someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, every time you need to voice a unpleasant but necessary truth, every time you need to choose between what someone wants of you and what you know is right, you need to make the decision anew.
There may be times when you falter, maybe even times when you end up kicking yourself and saying "Why did I do that?!"
At those times, don't tell yourself you've failed, or feel like you should just give up. Instead, notice what it was about that scenario that caused you to stumble, and notice what triggers you, what you need to avoid, and what wounds or beliefs are being revealed to you.
Use it as an opportunity to learn, grow, and do better next time.
Are you having trouble expressing your truth to your potential clients?
I've spoken and worked with many people who had important truths they wanted to share with their clients, but who didn't know how to express those truths in ways their clients could understand and act upon.
If you've been having trouble attracting clients because they don't understand what you do, how you can help them, and why they need your help, I invite you to get in touch with me.
I can help you to communicate your truth to your clients in a way that makes them want to work with you, and I can help you connect with people who will be happy to send more clients your way!
Click the button below to get the details.